Some days the world feels like a backwards mystery carved into my heart - I have no idea what is logical, my brain's neatly ordered puzzle pieces are scattered on the floor. Why do I love writing so much? I ask the Lord as yet again I feel like I have stumbled in the back door of vocation. I'm no English major, no history major, and yet what I want more than anything is to breathe deep the language of history and write the books that blaze trails into other's hearts and minds. Isn't this backward?
Aren't I supposed to proceed in a logical, orderly, neat fashion towards what it is you want me to do?
And then the miracle of backwards must be that Love is the only path we must take. When the day makes us forget things - doubling back over the same piece of highway because we didn't plan our errand route, or having to search the same terms in Google over and over because we can't remember what it is we want to know, or when in your senior year of college you discover what it is you want this gorgeously rich life God's given you to look like - when the puzzle falls into place backwards we can see Grace in it.
I want more than anything, friends, to go in order, in what my mind whispers is the right way to do it. I want to make a mark on the world and some days my mind whispers to my heart that it's backwards, falling in love with writing and history so late, falling in love with peace and joy after I gave up being a good debater, and... and... and.
It is backwards but it is gorgeous and it is Life and I love it.